Have you ever caught yourself shrinking to make others feel more comfortable?
Perhaps you’ve held back from speaking your mind, hidden parts of yourself, or downplayed your strengths to avoid standing out. It’s a common experience — and one that runs deeper than we might realize.
In a recent session with a client, we uncovered how childhood experiences of rejection and judgment had led her to create subconscious patterns of making herself small, both physically and emotionally. These patterns — though rooted in survival — had become barriers to her authentic self-expression.
Childhood Roots of Shrinking to Fit In
For my client, it began in childhood. As a bright, curious, and privileged child, she often found herself bullied by peers who resented her intelligence and the opportunities she had. Instead of being celebrated, her gifts made her a target. To avoid conflict, she began to dim her light.
She spent her energy trying to fit in:
She dumbed down conversations to avoid making others feel uncomfortable.
She adjusted her personality to match the room, prioritizing their comfort over her authenticity.
She even carried this need to shrink into her relationship with her body, associating her size and appearance with how others might perceive her.
Subconscious Patterns Are Never Isolated
One of the most profound realizations from our session was that these patterns were not isolated. The need to shrink in conversations mirrored the way she approached food, her body, and even her relationships.
• At social gatherings, she worked hard to be understood but often felt unreceived or rejected.
• With food, she carried negative associations, feeling guilt or fear around indulgence, even when she wanted to enjoy simple pleasures like a croissant and wine.
• In her appearance, she connected her worth to how others would perceive her, even to the point of associating stress with hair loss.
These patterns—all seemingly unrelated—were intricately connected. Her subconscious mind had woven a single story: It’s “safer”to be small.
Shifting the Narrative
Through a guided PSYCH-K session, we brought awareness to these patterns and balanced the subconscious stress tied to painful memories and limiting beliefs. Here’s what shifted for her:
She released the belief that she had to try hard to be understood, replacing it with the powerful new affirmation:
👉🏼 I feel loved and accepted for exactly who I am.
She let go of the idea that she had to adjust herself to fit in, affirming instead:
👉🏼 I am safe in new environments.
She reclaimed her joy and freedom around food and her body, creating space for self-acceptance and enjoyment:
👉🏼 I have the freedom to eat what I enjoy and maintain my ideal weight.
The Ripple Effect of Being Authentic
When we dim ourselves, it creates an energetic ripple, not just for us but for those around us. As the card we pulled during her session said:
“Don’t dim your light to accommodate someone else’s smallness. By choosing to shine, you may just inspire others to turn on their light too.”
This transformation wasn’t just about food or social situations—it was about reconnecting with her authenticity and allowing herself to expand fully into her life.
How to Stop Shrinking and Start Shining
This session reminded me of how interconnected our subconscious beliefs are. A single belief, formed in childhood, can ripple through every aspect of our lives. And yet, when we bring awareness to these patterns, we can change them.
Here are a few questions to reflect on if you feel like you’ve been dimming your light:
Where do I hold back or shrink to make others feel comfortable?
What part of me am I afraid to show fully?
How would my life change if I trusted that I am safe to be exactly who I am?
You don’t need to dim to fit in.
You don’t need to shrink to be loved.
When you let your light shine fully, you might just give someone else the permission they need to shine too.
Closing Reflection
Our subconscious mind is always working to keep us safe, but sometimes that means holding on to patterns that no longer serve us. If you’re ready to uncover and shift the subconscious stories that keep you small, know that it is possible to create a new narrative—one rooted in authenticity, self-love, and freedom.
Let me leave you with this question from the card that inspired this session:
How are you dimming your light in order to fit in?
The answer might just lead you to your next transformation!
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